


Fear and Tremble

by shslphotographer



Category: Dangan Ronpa, Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Abusive Relationships, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 02:39:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6835618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shslphotographer/pseuds/shslphotographer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She's my everything, my love, and with all my heart-- I want her to see me and only me. There's no hope nor despair that can nullify these feelings.</p>
<p>just a small drabble on how anyone can become a toxic person depending on the influences they're exposed to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fear and Tremble

Most things in life function in cycles, and from the moment you are born, it is a public truth that the world will not shower you in kindness and consideration. At best, you are treated as if you are utterly average and an equal to peers.

 

Some less fortunate get to experience the more private truth that rests beneath that public truth. That the world not only owes you nothing, but views your existence as a mistake that needs to be corrected. Again and again, the planet Earth and each of it's inhabitants reach out to correct you on every misdemeanor; everything you say and everything you do.

 

This is the private truth that Mikan Tsumiki had to learn from the first time her lungs gasped a pathetic breath after her birth. The world seemed convicted to teach Mikan she would never grow past that stage of infancy. And the cycle of bullying that would begin to shape and define her as who she was starts early. She's an easy target for her young, troubled peers with problems of their own; a target who would not fight back and would carry everyone's burdens on her own shoulders. They would cut her hair until it was a disheveled mess and call her names until she had no more tears to cry. Poke and prod her until she had nothing more to offer them, and then she was thrown out; a meek, broken girl who's problems only grew larger as she did older. _Truly, my life is one destined for despair and nothing else_ , she thought, _it's what someone like me must deserve_.

 

But even in the blackest of despair is an even brighter hope. For Mikan, that upward spiral began when she was accepted to Hope's Peak Academy for her talent in medicine: surrounding her in likewise talented peers in their own areas. They were content to live and let live, some even going as far to show her genuine _kindness._ It was an experience completely alien to her, and in a world full of new experiences and eye-openers none rang brighter than **that girl**. The girl who would shoulder the burdens everyone else saddled her with. The one who asked for nothing in return. For Mikan, **that girl** was the epitome of her hope.

 

Mikan felt something entirely its own whenever she heard her name. _That girl... she's given me my everything... she is hope to me._ And as they spent more time together, Mikan came to learn about the girl she idolized and revered so. _And If my hope wants to be the world's despair... that's okay with me. I will follow her to the ends of the earth._

 

It was something she was happy to do and she did it without so much as a second thought. Mikan allowed herself to be molded into an agent of despair. She was not alone, but none of the others particularly mattered to her: she knew more than anything that what she had, the one she had, was special and hers and all she needed. The idea that she was self-absorbed in her thoughts, that her beloved could possibly not feel the same way, did not once cross her mind. This was the private truth she would not be privy to.

 

* * *

 

While Mikan had gladly subscribed herself to a battle against hope in the name of despair, neither of those things truthfully mattered to her in the slightest. She sat idly on a bench, hands folded neatly in her lap and eyes peeled while she casually scanned her surroundings. She remained still momentarily, sitting until a voice broke the silence of the empty hallway.

 

“I can't believe how much time I'm gonna have to waste _just today,_ ” a bubbly voice complains aloud, “it's a pain in the ass if I go and hell on earth if I don't! Ugh.”

 

The figure walks past, eyes diverted to a cell phone as Mikan is left in the wake. She sounds lost in thought, but to Mikan it doesn't matter. _Things can be changed on a moment's notice should you have the desire to change them_ , she was always told. That desire was one that burned passionately inside her.

 

Mikan jaunts eagerly to catch up. The other had quite the lead and yet still remains entirely inattentive even after she'd closed the distance. It takes three separate taps on the shoulder to pry her undivided attention away from whatever engrossing secrets her cellphone must've held.

 

“Ah...! H-hello... I was waiting to see you... I'm happy... I was beginning to get worried... that I wouldn't get to today...” Mikan's tone is pensive and almost guilty, but her smile wholly innocent.

 

“You know you can't get everything you want every day.” The girl says back to her confidently, slowing her walk but not stopping as Mikan matches her pace, “Tomorrow or something, alright? I'm kinda totally booked today, you know.” She turns back to her phone without further comment, beginning to walk but not getting far.

  
“I...” Any smile on Mikan's face faded with the drop of her words. _"You can't get everything you want every day."_ Her face swelters slightly and her breaths grow heavier. “Am I b-being thrown away? ....is it because of something I've said...? Did I do something wrong, and n-now you hate me...? That's it, isn't it...? Y-y-you can--”

 

The other cuts her off with a dramatic sigh before placing a hand on her hip and stopping her pace. Her heavy stare exchanges with Mikan's. “Didn't you hear me? I've got stuff to do. It's nothing to do with you, so don't beat yourself up over it, alright?”

 

“It m-m-must b-be my fault... I...I-I.... What can I do...? Is it me...? Should I t-take my clothes off for you? We can g-go somewhere more private, i-if you w-want... I just thought you w-would want to spend some time with me today...”

 

“Can't you hear? You know me well, Mikan, and you know my heart goes out to you, but at the same time I've got people to charm and magazines to cover. Important stuff, right? So, from the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry, but you're gonna have to wait.” She rests one hand on her chest and the other on Mikan's shoulder.

 

Mikan huffs, places her own hand on the other's and assumes a more serious tone. “Huh? That's funny.”

 

“What's funny..?"

 

“I mean, you trust me with your **big secret,** so you would think that makes _me_  'important stuff'. You know, someone you would have the decency to spend some time with. If it's because you hate me, I understand; just say so and I'll leave you alone.”

 

“Wow. You're not getting a bit ahead of yourself? Besides, it's just one day. It can't kill you to wait that long, can it?”

 

“I just think you should think about what you do and what you say more carefully. What if someone found out? Because of your own selfish desire to neglect others, everyone could find out about everything you want to do and it'd all come crumbling down. Hypothetically.”

 

“Are you blackmailing me? You really want me to throw my important plans out the window that bad? That you'd throw everything I've done away just like that?” She smiles a sick smile that was entirely genuine and more than content. “That's awful... and I don't doubt it for a second... how incredibly, sickeningly, _overwhelmingly_ _ **despair-inducing**_...”

 

“That's just my idea of why you should think about it, of course... teehee... because it's you who's in the wrong, you know. I haven't done anything.” Mikan announced with complete conviction; her petite, vulnerable smile returning.

“What a total inconvenience... but it's completely worth it to see the person you've become, you know? So whatever fancy thing you want to do today, consider it _my treat_ ; my obligations will have to wait. How awful! This is gonna set me back weeks! Upupu.... upupupupu! It warms my cold, black heart to see the person you've become!”

 

“I'm glad...” Mikan said with meek satisfaction. “I just h-hope that I'm not too much of a burden.... teehee...”

 

For a person so blackened, a trivial inconvenience was really nothing more than just desserts. It was karmic retribution and she loved every minute of it; being so elated at such an inconvenience was the very thing that made her tick, and as for her, she's content to roll with the punches as they come. But that's **her**.

 

And Mikan knows _her_ well, even if it's not as well as she thinks. Mikan was one of many people shaped by her into something warped, something cancerous just like _her_ than can twist and turn the knife until every lock is broken beyond repair and every person is on their knees.

 

It was someone else's cycle of abuse that she adopted to be her own; a mutual cycle of despair. But as much as despair and hope would define the lifestyle of **that girl** , Mikan's actions were never dictated by them, as neither of those things ever mattered to her. To her, it was about something else.

 

_It's love, only love!_

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> written as a writing exercise. for the most part. (this isn't something i ship, but it's also not something i have a particular problem with people shipping. i'm highlighting a really negative side because i thought it'd be interesting to attempt, and also for some personal reasons. [hence 'for the most part'])  
> not totally happy with the writing (i don't know if i portrayed the manipulation well enough for people to care, i don't know if i have too much exposition or prosed too much, et cetera.) but i'm hoping people can both help me grow and get some potential enjoyment out of this one way or another. i mainly want to upload it today due to the big coincidence in dates.
> 
> happy birthday, mikan tsumiki.


End file.
